It's Not That Big Of A Deal
by linderp
Summary: One-shot. Allen Walker? He had no idea why everybody started ending up in his bed, using the excuse of "Lavi started it." Though he supposed maybe it was because he had a comfy room? (Yeah, right.) AllxAllen.


**A/N: Inspired by a KHR fic I read. Enjoy, read and review, blah, blah.**

"Lavi wasn't in my bed this morning. Does anybody know where he's gone?" Allen asked that morning at one of the dining tables - consisting of himself, Kanda, Lenalee, Krory, Miranda, and Timothy - as he nibbled on his mitarashi dango. For once, he wasn't really hungry. At the resounding silence that followed his words, he lifted his head, meeting several pairs of eyes ranging from incredulous to angry. Mostly angry.

"L-Lavi sleeps in your bed, Allen?" Lenalee recovered her voice first and Allen nodded, deciding upon stabbing a piece of ham with his fork before bringing it to his mouth and chewing slowly.

Lenalee took in a deep breath before asking, "And this is normal?"

"Yeah. He's been doing it for some months now. I mean, I normally wake up earlier than him, but this morning he wasn't there." Allen set his fork down and grasped his mug of orange juice.

"Allen, did he force you into any illicit actions?" Lenalee sounded scandalized, her voice nearly dropping to a whisper.

Allen gagged on his drink, slamming the mug down and coughing harshly as he whacked a fist against his chest, trying to breathe normally so he wouldn't be known as the parasitic exorcist who died by choking on a hot drink because of being asked an inappropriate question.

"_Illicit actions?"_ he managed to sputter. "We're both almost adults anyway, I'm not fifteen anymore!" Allen was genuinely surprised when Krory, at the end of the table, swayed momentarily on his seat before his forehead slammed into his scrambled eggs, the vampire-ish exorcist unconscious.

Allen stared at Krory for a moment, both hands hovering uncertainly before he sighed and resigned himself to realizing that today was going to be one of _those _days. And when Kanda stoically slammed the business end of a bread knife through the bench he was sitting on, jerked to his feet, and left the Black Order Cafetorium with a murderous look on his face, that only solidified Allen's notion.

"So, A-Allen, you mean you and...a-and Lavi…" Miranda began, catching Allen's attention before sticking her pinky out, expression both serious and nervous, and Allen was forced into spluttering again when he realized what the other was insinuating after a moment's thought. Wondering, too, if he was going to have a heart attack at the end of the day.

"Oh _hell _no, no! He just sleeps in my bed is all! No, no, no!" Allen's face was bright red as he vehemently denied it. "I'm just used to another person being there because I always slept with M-Mana, and occasionally with Master when we could only afford one bed, and Lavi, well...Lavi just filled the space, I guess. Oh God, where do you even _get _an idea like that, Miranda?!"

"Why Lavi?" Lenalee questioned.

"I don't know." Allen solemnly impaled a slice of toast. "It just happened. I barely even remember how. We're not doing…" his voice downed conspiratorially. "_That."_

His horrified tone sent Timothy giggling like a schoolgirl into a glass of milk, nearly spraying a mouthful of the drink across the table.

Allen shoved the dango into his mouth, downed the now unpleasantly lukewarm juice, before he stood, dabbing at the corners of his mouth with a napkin. He padded slightly to the side to pull Krory's face out of his eggs and wipe it off, then bowed stiffly to the rest of the room and left.

As he walked down the corridor, straightening out the crimson ribbon tied around his uniform collar as he did so, he realized that his question pertaining to where Lavi had gone hadn't been answered. Ten seconds later, a reverberating explosion came from the floor below and Allen assumed that Kanda must have found him.

It still didn't explain why he'd had an empty bed when he woke up.

Allen decided not to dwell on the thought and made his way to Komui's office instead. The sister-complex scientist had managed to rope him into doing paperwork for an indefinite period of time while he took an overlong absence.

* * *

><p>"Mo-ya-shi-chan!" Lavi called as he stepped through the double doors leading to Komui's chaotic office, a bright smile plastered on his face. "There's a certain rumor going around that <em>somebody<em> missed me in their bed today!"

He paused halfway across the room at noticing that, although Allen was sitting upright with a hand propping up his head, his eyes were closed and he was sound asleep amidst a mountain of paperwork.

A devious smirk twisting his lips, Lavi approached and moved to rest his Innocence hammer against the side of the desk. Slowly leaning forward, Lavi shifted so his head was next to Allen's, and, very softly, he blew into the whitette's ear.

The effect was instantaneous.

Allen shot up straight, hands scrabbling on the desk for something to hold onto and defend himself with as he yelped, "I'm working, Komui, I'm working!" In his struggles, he knocked over an inkwell and dove to catch it before anything spilled and destroyed the progress he had made.

Fiasco over, Allen realized that his actions were completely unbefitting for a gentleman and became aware of some familiar guffaws. As he tilted his head up and climbed back over the desk, he locked his eyes onto Lavi and glared.

(It looked like a pout, though.)

At first Allen was indignant, complaining loudly, "Lavi! What was that for!?"

"Your reaction was hilarious. Cute too." Lavi offered another grin as Allen twitched in annoyance.

"No. That was awful. Not funny at all. But it doesn't matter, just don't do it again! By the way, where were you this morning?" Allen shuffled the scattered paperwork into some semblance of neatness, staring at the new ink stain formed on the previously unblemished desk. It was the third this month. Desk, not ink stain.

The first had been broken by himself, when he had lost his temper and slammed his Innocence arm onto the desk because Komui had just assigned him on yet another mission with _Kanda,_ of all people. The force of his blow had consequently shattered the solid mahogany piece of furniture.

(General Cross - his master - had pulled him aside later that very day and told him that the desk, worth over six thousand Euros and considered an antique, would be added to his List Of Debts To Pay. Allen bemoaned why Komui used something so expensive when he knew perfectly well that things tended to get demolished around the exorcists of the Black Order.)

The second desk had met an untimely demise when Allen, Lavi, Kanda, and Lenalee had been called to the office for Komui's annual "Don't Touch My Pure Little Sister" lecture. Kanda had fallen asleep during it. Lavi not only French braided his long navy hair, he had somehow managed to dye it a sparkly shade of pink at the same time.

While that desk hadn't been as expensive as the first, Allen was the one who had to pay it off, as usual.

The current desk seemed salvageable, Allen reckoned. The papers splattered with ink, however, were not. He felt himself age by a few years as he gazed depressedly at the black splotches on formerly pristine white pages. The mad scientist wouldn't be happy.

Lavi, pleasantly unaware of Allen's inner despair, chuckled into his hand. "Oh? So the rumors _are_ true. You missed me, Moyashi-chan!"

Allen angled his head to face Lavi again, fingers smoothing out paperwork. "Of course I did. It really isn't like you to break habit unless something drastic happens. I assume you have a suitable excuse and that I'll expect you tonight and tomorrow morning?"

Lavi froze, unable to find words for a brief moment because he had thought that Allen would have vehemently and loudly (if not violently) deny missing him. Not only that, but actually being invited back to the other's bed was startling. Then he started laughing.

Allen watched Lavi first with worry and then with apprehension as the redhead broke out in maniacal chortles. Allen quickly scurried around the desk and took hold of Lavi's hammer, stabbing him with the wider end of it, ushering him towards the doors.

Before he threw the Innocence out and slammed the doors, Allen called out, "See you tonight, Lavi!"

On his way to Reever and the others, arms laden with steaming coffee, Krory came to a halt, eyes wide with disbelief and horror at what he had overheard.

Allen simply peeked out of the doors and watched with mounting dread as Krory pitched to the side and passed out again, coffee splattering all over the hallway, glasses shattering and landing everywhere. It was a dreary testimony to his life that he didn't know whether or not he should be more worried about Arystar Krory or the _expenses _of the stained carpet and walls.

Expenses ended up tipping the scales - besides, Allen reasoned, he had already cleaned Krory up this morning, that could be his good deed to his friend today - and with a huff, he stepped out of Komui's office and began delicately picking up shards of glass.

(He'd apologize for scaring Krory later, and clean up the whole Lavi misunderstanding with him too. It seemed as if Lenalee had neglected to give the wannabe vampire the details after he regained consciousness. Was it food poisoning that had caused him to faint?)

* * *

><p>Allen stretched as he woke up, muttering as he couldn't extend his limbs as far as he wanted to before his black scaly arm encountered something warm. Assuming that Lavi was in that direction, Allen rolled to the other side of the rather sizeable bed and immediately ran into something else. Cracking an eyelid open, he eyed Lavi's face wearily, too drowsy for his brain to connect the dots.<p>

Upon realizing that there couldn't be two of Lavi, he turned over again to see what was restricting his movement on the other side.

"Uwaaaaaaaaaaah!?"

Yu Kanda did not look happy about being woken at approximately five-fortytwo AM on a Sunday morning.

* * *

><p>"Is it really necessary to cause so much damage?" Allen complained, shaking a handful of paper at Tyki's face as if he didn't have a death wish. "The Vatican asks you to maim people, not to destroy buildings. As a matter of fact, they don't even like asking your help for that. After all, to them - not to me - you're just one of the Noahs that were reformed. And you always manage to make a mountain out of a molehill in the ways of destruction and impromptu unscheduled land development."<p>

"What was that, boy?" Tyki Mikk purred in return, sweeping a hand off to the side, narrowly missing Allen's face, and knocking two paperweights, a pen, and a plate of fresh-dango-courtesy-of-Jerry off the desk.

(Allen almost started sobbing at the mess, but that would have been a sign of weakness and ungentlemanliness.)

"I'm only asking for a little less collateral damage! And if you can't do that, at least keep the other Noah on a tight leash! They're _excessive_!"

"A leash? Ne, that's a little kinky of you, Allen-kun."

"Road. Just - stop. Stop." He then proceeded to shake papers in her face too. "I mean, you try to do this much paperwork and then see how you fare! You be me and get forced to learn how to forge Komui's signature so that he can slack off! You get blamed when _somebody _decides that a fountain, two housing estates, and a park need to be crushed in order to apprehend one man! And he wasn't even an akuma! Just a broker! And - and - you were supposed to bring him back alive, not in sliced, boxed, and categorized pieces."

Almost throwing the papers on the ground in frustration, Allen stalked around the desk to create some more distance between him and the exasperating Noahs.

"Well, what's done is done. Off you go. Shoo." Allen waved a hand dismissively.

Tyki then chose that moment to slam his palms onto the wobbling desk in an attempt to show his protestation. The furniture, already trembling under the weight of formidable paperwork, collapsed.

Allen saw red.

"_I don't want to pay off another single goddamn fee!" _And he tried to headbutt the older Noah in the gut. Of course, Allen had forgotten about Tyki's abilities, and ended up bruising himself as he phased through Tyki's stomach and hit the floor. But his actions stunned Tyki, who stumbled, and Allen automatically reached out to catch him (he was used to Miranda's klutziness) but was elbowed for his troubles. Then he was caught by Road.

The three sat there amidst the jumble of paperwork, desk splinters, and office supplies. All but sprawled on the lap of Tyki, Allen reached out to the pitiful remains of the table and retrieved a pack of antacids from a crushed desk drawer; he popped a handful into his mouth before offering some to Tyki as a pseudo peace offering. Road giggled like the little maniac she was.

All would have been well if the petite Noah hadn't decided to launch herself onto the other two, squealing, "Dog pile!"

And then there was a muffled _whump _after Krory passed by the opened doors and caught sight of the three Noahs draped over each other. Allen couldn't help but think that Krory had passed out more in the past ten days than he had in in the past three years...and it was probably his fault.

* * *

><p>After the first time it had happened, Allen realized that shrieking into Kanda's face wasn't the best way to start off one's morning, so whenever he woke up, and the equipment-type exorcist was staring at him, (oh dear god he was being watched in his sleep, stalker alert bells are ringing) Allen just shrugged it off as best as he could and was thankful that Lavi and Kanda didn't fight in his bedroom, for whatever reason. He didn't question it.<p>

One particular morning, however, there was a weight across his chest. He stifled a sneeze at the feel of hair underneath his nose, and, after opening his eyes, wasn't really surprised to see Timothy squeezed in between Lavi and Kanda, with his limbs sprawled across Allen.

Timothy must have clambered in during the night, when Allen's body deemed it alright to shut down, so Allen hadn't felt him scramble in, get under the covers, _or _attach himself to Allen like a limpet. And now that he thought about it, Allen was glad that Timothy must have climbed over Lavi to get in, or the results would have been disastrous.

What he didn't understand was why Timothy has chosen to sleep next to him, when the bed was an utter monstrosity and could tons of people. Then again, Lavi and Kanda always stayed within a two foot radius of his body when in the bed.

Allen didn't question that either.

So he concentrated on trying to pry Timothy off his side gently, wiggling and pushing. Timothy simply sniffed in his sleep and promptly buried his chin even further underneath Allen's chin. And Allen, being Allen, his heart melted at the sight and resigned himself to his fate.

He really should have anticipated Krory walking in at six-twenty when he didn't show up for the meeting of exorcist Generals and the Vatican. At least this time the exorcist's head hit a pillow strewn on the floor, not scrambled eggs or thinly carpeted ground.

* * *

><p>As Allen stared at the ceiling of his bedroom - was it even his anymore? - he wondered if the other Generals had to go through the same things he did.<p>

Sighing through his nose, Allen combed his fingers through Timothy's hair and stifled a giggle as the other shifted so that his foot was centimeters away from Lavi's open, drooling mouth.

The source of his current plight was face-planting on the far side of Kanda. Lenalee had decided that it was time for her to join the slumber party, and, clad in pajamas, had no fear of getting on the bad side of the swordsman beside her. For obvious reasons.

The crystal type wasn't the only addition to the group. Allen had absolutely no idea where Timcanpy had come from, as he was supposed to be with Master. But there was the golem, in all his golem glory, nestled in Lavi's flaming locks.

The only people missing now were Krory and Miranda.

(Allen wouldn't be surprised if the former was resting in the infirmary because of all the passing-out he had done lately.)

Squinting at the old clock at the wall opposite him, Allen saw that it was five, much too early for any sane person to be up and about, so he tried to get back to sleep.

Two hours later, he awakened and saw that the inevitable had happened.

Krory had appeared. And practically spooning Lavi, too, while he was at it.

* * *

><p>"You really are an idiot, you know," Tyki callously offered as he watched Allen give only a cursory glance to a document before scrawling Komui's signature at the bottom.<p>

Tyki was really just mocking him now. A chain of hotel buildings destroyed wasn't exactly something to scoff at.

"I bet that in your eyes, I always am."

"More of an idiot that usual, then. Allen, do you know what effect you have on people?"

"Hah?"

"Think about it, Allen. You might be an idiot sometimes, but you aren't blind. Think about the people around you and how they've been acting."

"Wha?"

"Ah, why am I even asking you this, boy? It's not as if you wake up every morning with them in your bed."

"Well, recently? Yup."

Tyki's face twisted strangely, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or he wanted to break something.

"I mean, it started with Lavi." Allen continued, oblivious to the other. "Things developed first with him staying. Then Kanda - _Kanda - _showed up, and stuff just escalated really quickly from there. I kind of regret not telling you earlier, you could've helped or something."

"It's alright. You don't have to regret it anymore."

Allen tried to stop the color draining from his already-pale-cheeks at how close Tyki was, and because of the gray-skinned fingers trailing down his arm. He swatted them away.

"N-no, it's fine, I don't regret it. You don't have to make me not regret it!"

"No, I'm sure you don't. But just in case…" Tyki licked his lips.

Allen shrieked, bolted out the door, and was met by a very clingy Road.

Who kissed him. Again and full on the lips.

* * *

><p>Next morning.<p>

Allen woke up to find that Timothy lying completely on top of him, the tween's knee digging painfully into Allen's thigh.

Even more surprisingly (terrifying, oh God, it was absolutely terrifying) was Road and Tyki sandwiched on top of each other and by his side. At least, his mind supplied vaguely, they separated Kanda from him.

With all the bodies in his bed he couldn't help but feel like a king with his harem of concubines.

_Think about the people around you and how they've been acting._

If Allen could sit upright quickly as if he were electrocuted, he would. Sadly, he could only wheeze in disbelief and flail around pathetically as his brain finally made the connection that he - honestly - didn't believe in.

There was a lick at his shoulder all of a sudden, and an arm layered between Timothy and his stomach tightened its grip, pulling him closer to whoever it was.

"Che, go back to sleep."

(He did not want to, thank you very bloody much, no, he wanted to get up and run and escape and pretend that this never happened and he really wished that he didn't have seven people and a golem in his bed that, apparently, had some semblance of attraction to him. Oh God, and how many more of them were there?)

"Listen to Yu-chan, Moyashi-chan."

A gentle nip of teeth at the opposite shoulder, and Allen was fucking _done._

He was gentle with Timothy, though, peeling him off carefully before bolting, not caring who he trampled.

Allen tried to formulate an escape plan as he plowed through the numerous blankets and bodies.

The plan did not include getting caught and yanked back by his ankle when he was just inches away from freedom. Then he was unceremoniously passed back to the space he'd recently vacated and was settled there.

Someone yawned, starting a wave.

Allen wanted to cry.

* * *

><p>And over the course of a couple days, Miranda arrived. So did Wisely, Sheryl, Komui (he insisted that Lenalee was not to be left alone with so many men, and that was why he returned from vacation), and Link.<p>

Allen stopped caring, though he had to be watch what he did from then on. There were times when he almost got humped (damage cost emptied a third of Black Order Disaster Repair Resources), got injured (the hospital fees for the mugger who had punched him were formidable), and was almost raped (as the European branch had been damaged beyond repair, everyone had to move to the North American branch for a year, and he really didn't want to talk about it.)

_But all in all, Allen admitted that it was nice to know that they cared in their own, special, ways._


End file.
